Ah, the Joys of Snow

I think every region has its own personal quirks about driving in snow.

In Syracuse and Buffalo, for instance, they just don’t notice it. I’ve driven at 50 mph on the New York Thruway in driving snow (a foot of accumulation in an hour) without a qualm about my safety. Their plow trucks look like fantastical monsters out to devour the winter for a light snack. They deal with winter by moving it to a more convenient location, thank you very much.

In Philadelphia, as soon as the Channel 6 News announces the possibility of snow, bread and milk suddenly disappear from grocery store shelves, as if Philadelphians believe that these two items alone will stave off winter.  (They do not.)  

In Tennessee, the entire infrastructure of the state shuts down at the first hint of snow. It doesn’t matter that it just melts on the road and never actually accumulates. School is cancelled the day before a rumored snow flurry. I’ve seen it happen.

In the North Carolina mountains, the towns share snow plows, which means people will get out whenever the communal plow gets around to them. They’re usually content to stay home until then.

In Ohio, people creep along through 6 inches of snow to drive to work and school (which doesn’t get cancelled) because the construction backhoes that double as plows in winter still aren’t enough to cover everything if there’s more than 2 inches.

And in Colorado, there’s a split reaction. Some people drive incredibly slowly. One would presume this is under the impression that any sign of white on the road renders their tires’ traction null. My theory is that these are all the people who transplant from Texas and California because of the great weather, low humidity, and convenient skiing, but who have no idea how to actually deal with snow. Slow is not always better, folks.

On the other hand, faster isn’t always better, either. This advice is for the second faction of Colorado drivers, those who try to gun it from a dead stop, and then plow into the median (or another car) when their wheels suddenly find purchase under the snow their spinning tires kick up.

Of the two factions, they must be declaimed as the stupider, though perhaps not the more annoying.

Here ends the lesson on regional tendencies for driving in snow.

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