Blogging and Depression

The problem with blogging while fighting off depression is that there’s not a lot of witticism or carefree fun that comes naturally. There’s a good deal of cynicism and gloomy introspection, and there are far too many blogs out there filled with both of those for me to feel that adding my bit here would benefit anyone in any way.

That makes it rather hard to blog. I’m not saying that I only blog sunshine and roses, all the time, just that nobody wants to listen to me whine and, frankly, blogging about what I haven’t gotten done does not help my depressive cycle.

At all.

So I avoid it.

Then I feel silly for wanting to post an entry talking about my good day yesterday, because by normal-people standards, I didn’t do all that much. By depressed-person standards, it was a victory.

I cleaned the house (the office wasn’t bad, really, but the rest felt like a mess), ran a very full dishwasher and then put the dishes away, and did almost all the laundry. We took the dog to the dog park, and, perhaps most importantly, I marked up manuscript pages with edits. It’s been several weeks since I really did any work on the manuscript. It’s been floating in the back of my mind, as always, but I haven’t been able to pull together the brain power to work on it. It’s one of my least favorite parts of depression. But now I’m looking forward to going through and making those changes and then moving forward again. It’s a good feeling.

So yesterday was huge. Great. I also opened the curtains for the first time in five days. Funny how letting light into the house can help. I ended the day feeling like it had gone well, which is significant. Too many times, even a good day ends with me feeling discouraged and frustrated, and that’s no good at all.

Today has been pretty good, too. I went to work, but my boss didn’t, so I got to come home early. We ran some errands that I’ve been putting off, I’m finishing the last of the laundry now, and then my official task is to read a library book that I’ve renewed so many times I can’t renew it again. It’s due tomorrow evening, so I’m dedicated to reading it. Happily, Matt has things to do this evening, so the time is pretty much open for me to do my reading.

That’s about all. It’s not very exciting. Depression rarely is.

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